Saturday, January 1, 2011

Again and Again

How is it that these people find me? Is it that I am just more sensitive to their characteristics? Or, am I drawn to them. Here goes.
I was approached by someone from my past last summer via a social networking site. I had not heard from this person in years, nearly 30 years as a matter of fact. I began rehashing the past with this individual, talking about old times and what and where we had each been since. I found myself want to know more about this person. It was like a time capsule being opened up and that made me feel young again. So, I arranged to meet this person and spend some time with them. At first it was fine. But, as time went on it became apparent to me that this person was a little "off." I could not put my finger on what exactly was going on, but something was just not right. The one thing that set me off kilter was that he wanted me to move in with him before he had even physically spent any time at all with him. Just up and move in? WOW, now that's a stretch. How do you just ask someone to move in with you after almost 30 years of no contact at all. Mind you that we did not have any romantic relationship 30 years prior either. Just friends, if even that. My radar went up immediately, as it should have. But, instead of ending the "friendship" and I use that term loosely regarding this person, I found myself curious as to what he was all about. So, I let things continue and I arranged to meet him in person. We met, spend some time together and decided that we may want to see where this may go. Once I was back in my comfort zone, I realized that this was a huge mistake. He felt too much like what I previously had dealt with, a sociopath. I quickly ended things and tried to move on. Well, wouldn't you know it... He quickly started to slander me via the social network we were both members of. Sound a little like deja vu? Yep, definitely. I quickly blocked and removed everywhere he was ever at in my "on-line" communities. I felt bad for a while afterwards, thinking maybe I was jumping to conclusions about him? Well, low and behold, just last week a common "acquaintance" of both of us sent me a copy of a posting he made during one of his rants with another person. His statement was "I think I speak for all . . ." (I edited which [group] he claimed to be speaking for). But, I feel so good that I ended all contact with this individual. How in the heck can you claim to speak for all anything? WOW, sociopath egotist for sure. Another crisis adverted.

11 comments:

sarabombara said...

Thank god I found your blog I have just come out of the most bizzare experience of my life involving a sociopath. I wish there were a website where we can all share experiences. Do you know of any?

Sociopath Survivor said...

I am sorry, I do not have a recommendation of a site or service. I post things here from time to time in order to bring attention to this issue. It just amazes me how many of these people are out there among us. Once this happened to me, I became very aware of the signs. Please post any experiences you want to share. We can all learn from eachogher.

Anonymous said...

Although I feel for you deeply my clinically diagnosed "anti-social personality"-politically correct term for sociopath one upped yours. After 18+ years of living through hell with my ex-husband professed to want to do everything he could to win me back. I had had enough after our children came back from his apartment talking about a lady who went out with them all and spent the night! I knew he was a serial cheater but to do it in a tiny apt. with a 9yr old and 14 yr old in the next room made me very sad. Anyway back to the social network thing. Even though I know what he is- a psychiatrist spelled it out to me in front of him while he agreed to these behaviors- he is a master manipulator and liar and can always make me forgive him. I denied him access to my home and he broke in one day and found me in the shower. I ran to the neighbors home and called police. He was charged with felony burglary, assault, & parole violation. He was trying to steal my grill, collectibles, etc... to take with him to move in with his overnight guests home. He was so outraged that I would stand up to him he had marked a box to allow remote access on my laptop before he moved out. This way he could monitor all my e-mail, and although I had blocked him from my FB page he was able to get in through my e-mail and changed my password and put in a new e-mail that he made. He posted two naked photos of me, and made one of them my profile photo. I could not go into my FB account to take them down or deactivate my account because FB didn't recognize my original e-mail or password. He posted something like "does anyone want it doggy style?" under the photo. I was twenty when I married this divorced man with one child. I was naive, innocent and had only had sex with my HS/college sweetheart before I met him. I'm a very private, shy, woman who was always faithful to my sociopath for over 18 yrs, and this is how he repays my kindness. BTW if anyone finds themselves in a similar situation the only way to get control over your account if it's been hacked and e-mails, passwords changed have all your FB friends report the post/photo as abuse. Nine hours later FB had deleted the photos and post. He still remained in control of my account for another 2 weeks in which he unfriended all my friends and altered my actual photos. I filed a police report and the detective was able to get FB to deactivate the account after two weeks but by that time all my FB friends either thought I was a whore or those who didn't see the photo's were mad that I had unfriended them.

Anonymous said...

Your story is almost exactly like mine...although I was stupid enough to fall for it and let him move to be with me...long story short, restraining order shortly followed. I wish there was a place where we could post the names of these individuals...we might even find that we encountered the same sociopath!

Sociopath Survivor said...

Great conversation. Please continue to post your thoughts and memories for all to read. I would love to have a site that says "xyz" did this to me, but unfortunately it's probably against the law. Libel or defamation or something like that. Gotta count on Karma.

Anonymous said...

I have been feeling really bad lately, well ever since my son contacted me about a week ago, and even through the internet he managed to bring me too my knees. I realized today that there has to be others out there who have gone through what I have gone through, but where are they and how do I connect with them, safely. There is very very little in the form of support groups for us, 10 worldwide. I am moving back to the east coast and I am thinking of trying to start one. I will need the extra support because that is where my son lives. I am terrified but I want to go home, I want to be with my family and friends. I am tired of hiding. Yes, you heard right, I AM THE MOTHER OF A SOCIAPATH, and it is the most painful thing I ever had to deal with and he seems to continually focus on destroying me, as if my childhood wasn't enough for one person's lifetime. I feel ashamed because I know I don't love him like I should and I really would be ok if he never spoke to or about me again. I am glad I found this blog, it's a start. People actually believe he is this great guy, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW HIM LIKE I DO, THEY DON'T KNOW THAT HE LIES ON ME, HAS ABUSED ME PHYSICALLY AN D EMOTIONALLY. They don't know he has no concience, that he is a habitual liar and a master manipulator and for the love of God he is my only son, my first born child. I gave him a solid foundation and we had a good loving two parent home. I knew at the age of 7 that my son did not have a conscience, and I did everything I could to help him. It never got better but has gotten worse over the years. His latest attempt to scar me even more is now he saying the things that happened to me as a child, I did those things to him, and I was severly abused mostly by my mother. I did everything I could not to be like her and I wasn't. This just hurts so bad.

Anonymous said...

"Is it that I am just more sensitive to their characteristics? Or, am I drawn to them."

Yes! Sociopaths are sadistic and look for what they perceive to be "vulnerable" (ie. in the twisted sense: loving, open and human). Their prey will tend to be submissive. To avoid them:

1. Trust your instincts.
2. Know your self-worth.
3. Firmly set boundaries. Be very clear on your behavioral/moral expectations of others.
4. Recognize any negative feelings (fear, remorse, guilt, etc) provoked by others to manipulate you.
5. Realize that aggression and pushiness is the big warning sign. Ever heard of a passive sociopath? Me neither.
6. Lack of remorse. This is a good sign but often this comes to late after something bad has already happened.
7. Try actively meeting others instead of waiting to be met. The irony is that the very people we SHOULD be talking to (the meek) are precisely the people that seldom come up to us to talk while the people more likely to approach us especially in a vulnerable state are... yeah you guessed it.

All this talk of these big bad sociopaths makes it feel as though they're invinceable. However I notice some flaws for us to take advantage of:

1. Hostility.
The dumber sociopaths have trouble with anger management and get peeved about the weirdest things. Critical analysis of their anger helps to eliminate these nuts quickly.

2. Careless immorality.
These idiots can't avoid slipping up by saying or doing something off, inappropriate or just plain creepy. Strong personal boundaries repel most lunatics because sociopaths look for the path of least resistance (ie. overly tolerant people, pushovers).

3. Shallowness.
Non-material things or emotional value are beyond them. They may seem to act as though they understand the invaluable but their consistently empty lifestyle gives it away.

4. No sense of future and details.
Planning only gets in the way of conniving. Luckily many sociopaths eat a bullet in the end (eg. Hitler or Gaddhafi).

5. Hatred for intellectuals and nerds.
Being often loaded with anger, unable to appreciate detail, and being always in the now, I've noticed that the last thing the sociopaths in my life have tolerated is intellectuality or "nerdiness". Having more nerd friends might work as a good detection system against future losers.

tjonna said...

I just recently realized that I am dealing with a sociopath. For pure entertainment let me share with you my experiences. Knew him for 8 years before we starting dating. With in the first 5 months I found out he was cheating with another woman, the 6th month I was pregnant. the 9th month, he put me out his apartment pregnant. Month 12 we move into our new place, month 15 the baby is born. Month 15 thru month 24 things just escalate. I find that he is sabotaging my relationship with his family, and attempting it with my friends. Month 24-36, it has gotten to the point were i now know that he will never admit to his faults, and he has gone so far were now he refuses to pay bills. But what pisses me off is that I have two children- my eldest is 16, and i waited 15 years to have a baby with this %(*&>. I hope that I gain the peace I deserve.

Anonymous said...

Post them on newsthatmoves

Anonymous said...

Me
Too!! I bet we have!!

Unknown said...

was married to a sociopath for thirty years. During my marriage I lived with his family of sociopaths for eight years. And I raised a child who is a sociopath. I escaped from my abuser three years ago and have been studying sociopaths ever since.

My bad. I love messing with sociopaths. I recognize them instantly and can't help toying with them. They love control, hurting people and always have to have the last word. My favorite thing to do when they are insulting me on a dating website is to say, "Oh baby...make it hurt. I find cruelty so sexy."

They also go bonkers when I correct their grammatically incorrect rude comments. I never give them the satisfaction of being hurt by them.

There is nothing more satisfying than beating a sociopath at his/her own game.

I know this is a dangerous game I play. But, oh, so very satisfying and empowering.

Maybe one day I'll feel whole again and no longer feel this urge for revenge. In the mean time, God forgive me for indulging in the wickedness I learned at the hands of my ex.

PS. My ex shot himself in the mouth with a pistol...and survived. He's no longer "speaking" to me. ;)