Women Sociopaths

So, I previously posted about a former husband sociopath, now it's time to move to the women in my life that are afflicted with this disease.  I am talking about a co-worker.  She was new to the department and lacking "friends."  I felt sorry for this person, even though I was warned of her behavior which was very public via her reputation.  I am not one to judge, so I gave her a chance.  This worked out well for a few months, then once she had all she needed from me, she shunned me and turned on me.  She did this by way of trying to make it my fault or my issue.  Outrageous.  Another expample of a sociopath taking advantage of someone who offers nothing but friendship.  Disgusting and, I must say.  I was not ready for this from this person.  Looking back, I should have heeded the warning from those who knew her and who saw this action in her previous role.  Lesson learned and fast.  I distanced myself and will not allow her back into my life. 

A New Chapter

Finally, I feel as though I have moved into a new chapter of my life. I am able to navigate through life and encounters with an all new sense of being and awareness. It's been a long 6+ years and I've been through a lot since my encounter ended. I have now moved into to ridding my life with the "friends" who are really not friends, but only people who draw from friendship. I have also encountered a new personality type, the identifier. The person who really doesn't hear a thing you say, but only one up's you at every sentence. Wow, I think this is also a form of sickness and lack of ability to deal with people in general.

Keeping It Together

Still amazed... After 6 years and virtually no contact with the sociopath, or as I was corrected previously the "anti-social" person, in my life, there are still issues that linger with friends we have in common. Most recently, I was visiting a couple who still maintain some contact with the anti-social individual. A topic came up which I had never really discussed in detail with our mutual friends. I always tried to stay away from mud slinging in my situation. BUT, it was time to set the record straight. We sold a piece of property during our divorce, as many couples do. This property was jointly owned. The Realtor we used was a mutual business acquaintance and was contracted by both of us. She is very professional and had recently been recognized by her broker as "top realtor" when she took on the listing. My ex had known our Realtor for about 20 years, I had only known her about 4 years. The goal was to sell the house quickly so we would not have to pay a mortgage after we had both moved out. She was able to find us buyers in less than a week and the house sold. The average time on the market was less than a month, so one week was not too terribly unusual. I guess this was not what my ex wanted, so he accused her of dealing behind the scenes with me regarding price and filed a grievance against her with the state board of Realtors in our state. This was untrue and caused her a lot of pain. She had to work with the board for a year to clear this up. I was deposed for my "part" which was non-existent, and the allegations were eventually dismissed. Point being here is that all of our mutual friends thought my ex was and still think that "he's such a nice guy." Well, when the house selling came up, I told the story. I was amazing to see our mutual friends' reaction. They were shocked that he would do such a thing, and they also know the Realtor and were very familiar what she went through. They just did not have any detail into who filed and for what reason. They did not know it was a result of our listing. I think shedding the light on this was enough reality to make them doubt "what a nice guy" he really is, and that maybe he's a little sick, as I had previously told them. I know it's wrong, but I did feel a little vindication with their reaction.

Again and Again

How is it that these people find me? Is it that I am just more sensitive to their characteristics? Or, am I drawn to them. Here goes.

I was approached by someone from my past last summer via a social networking site. I had not heard from this person in years, nearly 30 years as a matter of fact. I began rehashing the past with this individual, talking about old times and what and where we had each been since. I found myself want to know more about this person. It was like a time capsule being opened up and that made me feel young again. So, I arranged to meet this person and spend some time with them. At first it was fine. But, as time went on it became apparent to me that this person was a little "off." I could not put my finger on what exactly was going on, but something was just not right. The one thing that set me off kilter was that he wanted me to move in with him before he had even physically spent any time at all with him. Just up and move in? WOW, now that's a stretch. How do you just ask someone to move in with you after almost 30 years of no contact at all. Mind you that we did not have any romantic relationship 30 years prior either. Just friends, if even that. My radar went up immediately, as it should have. But, instead of ending the "friendship" and I use that term loosely regarding this person, I found myself curious as to what he was all about. So, I let things continue and I arranged to meet him in person. We met, spend some time together and decided that we may want to see where this may go. Once I was back in my comfort zone, I realized that this was a huge mistake. He felt too much like what I previously had dealt with, a sociopath. I quickly ended things and tried to move on. Well, wouldn't you know it... He quickly started to slander me via the social network we were both members of. Sound a little like deja vu? Yep, definitely. I quickly blocked and removed everywhere he was ever at in my "on-line" communities. I felt bad for a while afterwards, thinking maybe I was jumping to conclusions about him? Well, low and behold, just last week a common "acquaintance" of both of us sent me a copy of a posting he made during one of his rants with another person. His statement was "I think I speak for all . . ." (I edited which [group] he claimed to be speaking for). But, I feel so good that I ended all contact with this individual. How in the heck can you claim to speak for all anything? WOW, sociopath egotist for sure. Another crisis adverted.

The Holidays

Hmm, how to survive a sociopath at Christmas time? That can be very tricky and it's not easy. Remember, it's all about them and their feelings. So, how do you get through this time of year? I found it liking walking on egg shells and very carefully looking for reactions to my actions. This let me gauge the sense of each day. If you are in this situation, I feel for, as I was once there.

Living Again

These people pray upon the trusting and unsuspecting. They look to drop the hook, set it and reel you in. You don't even know this is happening, because you are living your life as a "normal" person and don't "test" everyone who enters your world. It's amazing how these folks are. Now, my ex, is living 10+ hours from those who he calls "friends". If he had to live closer and deal with them day to day, he would be exposed for who he is. It's easier to live at least a day's drive away and deal with everyone on his terms. No surprises, no drop ins, etc. He defines the relationships and the social time. Amazing.

Summer Off

Well, I took some time off this summer to deal with other issues. Now, back to the sociopath. I left off with idle conversation being turned into something more than just that, idle conversation. It's amazing how the simplest little nothing can be turned into the biggest fight with a sociopath, who has taken this little nothing out of context. You must remember that the sociopath does not think like or reason like the ordinary person. So you may say something that 99% of the population will get the gist or meaning of, but the sociopath will not get it at all and take some meaning that's so far out of context, you cannot explain the real meaning to them. It's amazing how this stuff sticks in their heads and how they pull it up months later to try and justify YOUR actions with. An example would be saying that you don't much care for a certain type of food, then at a restaurant 6 months later you try that food, but it's cooked a totally different way than the norm. You would be probed over and over again about saying that you didn't like that food. Now take this simple example and think of something you would say or a comment you would make to your significant other. Then be held to it by some meaning you completely don't understand, because the sociopath doesn't have a clue as to what you mean. Everyone else around you does, but not them. They cannot get their thoughts together in the same way a "normal" person can. This is so frustrating, you end up watching everything you say and do. You are always under the microscope and all the time the sociopath is justifying their actions by living in the past. There's no forward movement, regardless of what they say. So you are held to some sort of code that you cannot possibly understand.